Risky Business

I feel a pain in my heart and don’t think I can adequately discribe it.  I started feeling it’s twang in my chest today as I sat and listened to a very educated and professional nurse/midwife/legal expert but as I think back it is not my first experience with this feeling.  Every decision or indecision as a labor and delivery nurse these days has to be examined based on how it would look in a deposition, every documented or not documented action, conversation, assessment, collaboration has to be able to stand up to extreme scrutiny.  That may be one thing if we were allowed time to document each at the moment it occurred but in general these things happen simultaneously and consecutively.  In a deposition (from my understanding based on coworkers experiences) the tone is accusing and at best feels like bullying.  The memories of these events are distant if there is any recollection after the years that have passed and the number of deliveries that have happened in between.  For me, being a nurse who puts her whole heart and energy into taking the best care of my patients that I possibly can, this perspective makes every anxious little mama potentially the end of my career by lawsuit.  No amount of studying and preparation, drills and certifications will give you a 0% maternal and infant mortality or morbidity rate.  So each day I go to work to love and serve my patient and play roulette with my own life.  This is not right.  Sometimes I feel like we should all tell our kids to not be teachers, policemen, nurses, or doctors it’s not worth it. (I know we are called to be servants of all, no promise of anyone ever being greatful)

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